Dreams and Nightmares
by Denaliyasha
Summary: Susan is losing herself to the nightmares that have plagued her since her return, and Caspian is dreaming of the woman who stole part of his heart. And as they both discover, in Narnia, dreams are never only dreams... Chapter two up.
1. Dreams and Nightmares

Disclaimer: The story is mine. That which I based it on is not.

A/N: Ok, so I debated with myself about writing this. I'm not a hard core purist, but this movie went a little far from the book for me to think fanfiction. That, and there are books which I've never considered for fanfiction, and this is one of them. Then I remembered that I write fanfiction partly to resolve relationships that ended badly. So... I'm pretending that the there is nothing beyond _Prince Caspian_. I'm pretending there isn't a _Voyage of the Dawn Treader_ or a _Last Battle_, and going completely off the movie. So yeah. This is my foray into Susan/Caspian fanfiction, because I thought their lives must just suck when she goes back to England.

I also want to quickly justify the way Susan and Caspian act when they see each other again. My theory is this: they connected so quickly in the movie, and so completely, that there had to have been something major going on. And if you take that, and you separate them, they're going to essentially start going nuts. And so when you put them back together, they're going to act like hormonal, melodramatic teenagers. Which they are, really. Oh, and Aslan has the ability to screw with the timing between worlds (as he obviously does between PC and VotDT).

**Dreams and Nightmares**

_She could see the white witch raising a knife triumphantly over Aslan's bound form, the flash as the blade came down, and she could feel the helplessness and horror that accompanied the death of the lion. She could see Miraz and Peter locking swords, feel the sweat rolling down the back of her neck and hear the metallic sound of her brother's chain mail slamming into the ground. _

_She could see row upon row of men and Animals pierced by red-fletched arrows all looking at her accusingly, dead by her hand. Every one of those blank, lifeless stares fixed on her, silently asking, "Why me? Why did you have to kill me?" She couldn't closer her eyes, couldn't escape this parade of victims. She knew in her heart that she'd never killed anyone who didn't need to die for either her safety or that of Narnia, but it didn't matter. She could feel a little piece of her soul tear away and shrivel as the dead began slowly shuffling towards her, and suddenly there was a wall at her back and she couldn't get away..._

Susan sat up with a start, disoriented and breaking out in a cold sweat. It took her a few moments to realize that she was sitting in an empty classroom at school, waiting for the lunch period to be over. The dream, which had kept her awake most nights in the last four months, was now apparently invading her naps as well, those brief periods in which she tried desperately to catch up on the sleep she couldn't get at night.

Susan sighed. She'd been having the dream since they returned from Narnia the second time, but she'd had a similar one (minus Miraz and a few corpses) the entire year preceding, since the first time she'd found herself back in England, in a younger body and a world that thought she'd never left.

That was the real reason she'd been so unhappy about their second foray into Narnia; the nightmare had just been beginning to fade when she was dragged through the tube station. She hadn't had the dream there, but she'd known then that it would return the moment she left.

And why wouldn't it? How could she sit through lessons that she'd already learned and history that no longer felt like hers? How could she be this person, Susan Pevensie, a student in a war torn country with a boring life, when she was once Queen Susan the Gentle, queen of Narnia, an adult who'd killed for her family and country?

And that, Susan decided, was most of the problem. Not only was she an adult in every way except the physical (though she had been that, once), she'd done things no one her age outside of her family had ever done. The closest she ever saw to what looked back at her from her mirror in the mornings were the faces of the soldiers, broken and a little dead inside. And unlike them, she had no one to talk to.

She couldn't exactly talk to the wounded, the battle-weary; she was a child here and they'd never believe her. She couldn't talk to Lucy, because Lucy was the healer, Queen Lucy the Valiant. She was brave in a way that Susan had never been. Peter and Edmund were boys, who might be uneasy about killing but would never admit it. Besides, they killed face to face, with swords and a certain honor. They wouldn't understand. None of them would. So Susan just withdrew farther and farther inside herself.

Her siblings had noticed the effect but not the cause. Lucy thought her sister was upset about never being allowed to go back to Narnia, Edmund thought it was just teenage girl stuff that he'd never understand, and Peter thought she was moping over leaving Caspian behind.

And to be fair, Peter was a little right. There was a gaping hole somewhere in the vicinity of her heart, which was ridiculous, because she'd barely known the Telmarine prince and it shouldn't hurt this much, but it did. Damn Aslan and damn the way he had made it impossible for her to live in her own world.

With a clang that had her reaching for arrows she hadn't carried in months, the bell for class rang and she was pulled out of her memories and forced to focus on the lecture.

* * *

She'd grown to hate that period of time between going to bed and actually falling asleep, mostly because she knew the nightmare would come back. That meant that she spent hours lying awake in fear of the dream, and then whenever her exhausted mind finally shut down, she had to live through it.

This night was different, though. When she finally managed to fall asleep, she found herself not at the stone table but in Caer Paravel, as it had been when she'd lived there. She was seated in her throne, staring at an empty hall... no, it wasn't empty. Aslan was seated in the center, watching her with a curious expression.

She stood. "Aslan?"

He lowered his head in acknowledgment. "Queen Susan. You are not happy with me."

"No, I'm not." She couldn't quite conjure up shame or humility. She'd been living with this pain for more than a year now, and he was the one responsible for it. "You think I need to live in my own world? My own world isn't _mine_ anymore! You named me Queen Susan the Gentle, and yet you expected me to be able to live with myself, knowing how many lives I'd taken, in a world where people saw me as nothing more than a child? You expected me to accept that I was no longer an adult and that everything I had done, all of the decisions I had to make, were no longer relevant to me? And then you..." She trailed off, embarrassed.

"I what, Susan?" His voice was gentle, and she couldn't not answer. Sinking back into her seat, she numbly realized she was crying.

"I could have found some peace, maybe, if I could have found someone to love, someone that I could maybe one day confide in, who would listen and try to understand. But you took that away from me too! Because I found that person, but he's not in my world, and so I have to live without hope, too." The tears were flowing freely now, and she couldn't look at him.

"You think I ruined your life?"

"I _know_ you did." She buried her face in her hands.

There was a few moments of silence, and then she could hear the lion padding across the marble floors towards her. When he spoke again, he was right in front of her.

"I did not foresee this, Susan, and I am truly sorry." When she peeked through her hands, she saw a sad expression in his eyes. "I made a mistake, and that is something I rarely do. You learned more in Narnia than I ever expected, and it made you unfit for your own world." He began pacing, back and forth across the deis. "I do not like to be responsible for the misery of one who gave so much to a country not her own at my request."

"Can you fix it?" She hadn't wanted to ask, but she couldn't help it.

"I can, Susan. I can return you to Narnia, but you would never be able to return to England."

For a moment, she was ecstatic, and then she remembered something. "But Aslan, it's been four months since I left. If a year in England is 1300 years in Narnia, how long will have passed this time? I would find no more peace in that Narnia than I would in England."

He smiled in that curious way that wasn't quite a smile (because he was, after all, a lion). "You accused me of stealing your last hope for peace. I would return you to the Narnia you knew. Not the first Narnia, for that is long gone, but the second, the one which you so recently left. Would that suit?"

She threw herself forward, practically tripping over the skirt of the dress she had acquired at some point, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face in his mane. "Thank you, Aslan, thank you so much. I thought I was losing my mind and nobody understood and I just..."

"I know, dear one." His kind voice rumbled through her whole body. "I can return you to Narnia, and I will let Lucy know where you will be. She will smooth over your departure."

"Thank you." Susan knew that she'd miss her family when she had time to think about it, but now all she could think was that she'd be going back to a world that understood her, that respected her, and that had... "How will I get there?" She didn't want to think of him; for all she knew he might have forgotten her by the time she "returned."

"Since this is your dream, I will move you into the dream of one in Narnia. When that person wakes, you shall follow them."

"Thank you, Aslan. Thank you. I can't... you don't know how much I... Thank you."

He laughed, a low purr of sound that vibrated through the floor and into the walls, until the whole earth seemed to be shaking with it. And then suddenly, she wasn't in Caer Paravel anymore, she was in a room in the castle she'd once tried to invade. This was Caspian's castle, Caspian's home. And judging by the man sitting on the bed near the window, this was Caspian's room as well.

"Caspian?"

"Hello, Susan." His smile was sad and resigned.

"Er... How long have I been gone?" She kicked herself for not coming up with anything better to say than that.

"Three weeks, four days, ten hours, and some odd minutes." He shrugged at her shocked expression. "At least, when I went to sleep, that was how long it was."

"This is a dream, then?" She'd forgotten for a moment what Aslan had told her. "You don't seem too surprised to see me."

He laughed, but there wasn't much humor in the sound. "I dream about you every night. Why should tonight be any different?"

"You..." Something in her heart healed a little bit. "You dream about me? Why?"

"Self preservation." He reached out a hand as though he would touch her, but pulled it back at the last second. "My heart hurts. I only knew you a short time, but you tore some part of me out when you left. If I can only have you near me in dreams, I suppose I should be happy to take what I can get."

"Caspian..." She sat down next to him. "You miss me that much?"

"Yes." Unable to resist, he leaned over to rest his head on her shoulder. "You even smell like I remember."

She had a vivid memory of the way he'd hugged her in the square that last day, the way he'd buried his face in her hair as though trying to imprint her in his memory. She knew, because she'd been doing the same. The memory of the way his mouth felt against hers had gotten her through many bad nights.

"Caspian, what would you do if I could be back in Narnia? With you, forever?"

He jumped up, paced across the room, and then spun on her, angry and hurting. "How can you ask me that? Why must you torture me in my sleep as well? Is it not enough that every moment I am awake I am plagued by thoughts of what I could have done to make you stay?"

Feeling tears well up, Susan rose and moved towards him. Even though he held himself rigid, as though afraid to let her close, she reached out her hands to touch his face. Pulling it down to the level of hers, she whispered, "Caspian, wake up."

And she shoved him. She wasn't sure what she was doing or whether it would work, but it felt right, and she couldn't take his pain a second longer.

And then suddenly, she was fighting to free herself from sleep. Blinking her eyes, she managed to push herself far enough into wakefulness to see the man sitting on the edge of the bed, radiating disbelief, wariness, and hope.

It was the hope that allowed her to struggle the rest of the way out of the dream. "Caspian?" She smiled sleepily up at him.

"Susan?" His wonderfully accented voice practically vibrated with repressed emotion. "I'm still dreaming."

"No, this is no dream." She reached up a hand to touch his beautiful, beautiful face, to trace her fingers over his cheek and his lips. He grabbed her wrist and pressed his mouth to her palm, trying to reassure himself she was really there.

"How is this? You said that Aslan..."

"Aslan sent me to live in my own world, but he got it wrong. _This_ is my world now."

Susan suddenly found herself pinned between him and the mattress as he launched himself at her and wrapped her in his arms. She laughed, returning the gesture and pulling him close. The light shirt he slept in did nothing to disguise the heat that his body generated, and she felt something insider her warm and thaw, that part of her that had died with every nightmare slide back into place, whole again.

She slid one hand up his back, into his hair, and pulled him just a little closer. He rolled them suddenly, so that she was lying across his body, and she giggled.

"Happy to see me?"

"You have no idea." He inhaled the smell of her hair, ran a hand down her spine and then pulled her head up so that he could kiss her. "Absolutely no idea," he whispered against her mouth.

She smiled and slid to the side, so that she was lying next to him with her head on his chest and one arm across his body. His arms were still around her, unwilling to let her go even a few inches from him. "I think I have some small idea." She smiled and placed a gentle kiss on his chest, the only part of him she could reach without more movement than her tired body was capable of. "Can we go back to sleep now?"

"You'll still be here when I wake up, won't you?" He sounded so wistful. "This really isn't a dream?"

"This isn't a dream, Caspian," she murmured, lulled half to sleep already by the soothing motion of his hand sliding over her hair. "This is me coming home, to Narnia and to you."

A/N: Love it? Hate it? Want more? Want less? Leave a review! Please, please do! Because I have an idea for a "morning after," so to speak, and I want to know if you guys want it. Oh, and am I the only person who thought Caspian burying his nose in her skin in that hug was his attempt to remember how she smelled?


	2. Lucy's Dream

Disclaimer: See first chapter.

A/N: Good god you people are great! Honestly, I wrote it to get it out of my system and then got hit with a whole bunch of really nice reviews! Thank you so, so much, everyone who reviewed.

This is the Lucy dream. I'm still playing with ideas for the morning after, and that will probably be posted as another story (because it would be more of a sequel than another chapter), so fair warning on that.

To the person who said they thought Caspian and Susan were acting a little randy for 13 and 15 year olds... well, ok, yes, but seriously, the people in the movie do NOT act their ages at all. Caspian looks like he's about 25, Susan looks about 16, they're both mature for their age (since Susan's already grown up once), so I'm treating their actions as if they were both mentally 20. Lucy in this story acts older than her age, also a side effect of the backwards aging thing. Does that clear it up?

Okay, so on the Aslan mistake thing. My theory is that he's using the word mistake because it's a concept Susan understands. In reality, he merely misunderstood his own idea. He knows they need to live in their own worlds, he just didn't notice that Susan's world was now Narnia. That make sense? If not, feel free to PM me and I'll try to elaborate more.

And Susan being picky? Well, it's more that she'd rather be with her family in England than in a future Narnia because that would be just as lonely and there would still be nobody who understood her.

And now, finally, to the story! Good lord, but my author's notes are getting long.

**Lucy's Dream**

Lucy fell asleep, as she had every night, to the sound of Susan tossing and turning. For months now, since her older sister had been informed she was never to return to Narnia, Lucy had been aware of the nightmares. She'd never asked about them, but she knew about them nonetheless.

It made perfect sense to her, really. Who wouldn't have nightmares about never being allowed to go back to the beautiful world that was Narnia? When she'd told Peter about it, he'd said something about Susan being extremely girly, and that it had something to do with Caspian, but when she'd asked what he meant he'd said she'd understand when she was older.

Lucy figured that meant he thought it had something to do with the kiss.

Whatever it was, though, it was making Susan really sad. Which, by extension, made Lucy sad.

She'd also been dreaming of Narnia, but in a wonderful way. In her dreams, she played with the beavers, had tea with Mr. Tumnus, and listened to Aslan explaining the history of Narnia to her. They were all happy dreams, perfect and exciting and soothing, a way to mark time until she returned.

Tonight, she found herself in Caspian's castle, in the throne room with its heavy stone and dark tapestries. She was wearing the clothes she'd been wearing when she left Narnia, and she wasn't sure why this was part of her dream.

"Hello, dear one."

"Aslan!" She smiled, rushing towards the huge lion.

"I have something to show you, dear one." Aslan's tone stopped her before she could hug him, and she frowned.

"What?"

He turned and padded out of the room, forcing her to follow. "Your sister brought something to my attention."

"What?" Curious, she hurried to keep up with his long strides. "I thought she couldn't come back."

"I said that it was time for her to live in her own world." He led her down several dark hallways and stopped in front of a closed door.

"And?" She looked expectantly at him, and he nudged his head against the thick wood door, which swung open silently.

Lucy peeked around the frame. It was a bedchamber, sparsely furnished. The main piece of furniture was the bed itself, with huge posts and a massive comforter. The comforter was currently bunched up, wrinkled around two forms lying side by side. Taking a cautious step into the room, Lucy could see that one was a man, wrapped protectively around the woman at his side.

The woman lifted her head slightly to shift position, and Lucy realized it was Susan. But that meant that the man... yes, it was Caspian.

She turned to Aslan in shock, careful to keep her voice down since she wasn't sure if she was, in this dream, capable of waking the couple. "Is this real?"

"Yes."

"But..." She was confused. "But I thought you said she couldn't come back!"

"I had not realized that she was unsuited for your world. Her experiences in Narnia caused her distress in England, and she could not find a place for herself. You have all given so much to and for Narnia, dear one." He shepherded her back into the hallway, and the door swung slowly closed. "I would not let any of you suffer needlessly because of it."

"But Aslan, what are you saying? Is she going to stay here, then?"

"Yes. She will live out her days in Narnia."

"Then why can't we all live here?" Her tone was hurt. "Why can't we all belong in Narnia?"

"Because you all have things to accomplish in your world as well, child. You and Edmund will return to Narnia yourselves, later, and Peter has truly learned all he can from this world and he can find purpose in your world. Susan, however, has learned things that made her unable to find her way in England. I brought her here because she can do more good here, fulfill whatever destiny might hold for her."

Lucy looked back at the door for a few moments, then sighed and sat down, sliding against the wall. "She was really unhappy, you know."

"I know, dear one." The lion lowered his head to touch his nose to her cheek.

"I heard her crying and tossing and turning and there wasn't anything I could do. I thought she wanted to go back, but I don't know why she didn't talk to me about it."

"Because you are very different people, Lucy, and you do not see things the same way. You would not have understood her, as she would not have understood you. You said it yourself, on that last day, remember?"

"I suppose." She reached out a hand to thread through his mane. "How do I explain this to Peter? To Edmund? To the rest of the world? They aren't going to accept that she just disappeared, are they?"

"Time moves in interesting ways, you know this. When you wake, Susan will have gone on an extended vacation to visit Professor Kirk to help her recover from this bout of depression brought on by the war. She will recover so well there that it will be decided that she stay permanently, and then, when her time here is over, she will die in a tragic accident on a visit home. The story will be accepted, and it will be up to you to tell your brothers the truth."

"Will she be happy here, Aslan?" Lucy sounded much more like the adult she had been than the child she was. "Will she be okay?"

"Only time will tell, dear one, but you will see her again, when you return. That I can promise you. And she will have a much better chance here than she would have in England."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, before Lucy asked, "Can I say goodbye, at least?"

"She cannot hear you in this dream, but feel free."

Lucy walked slowly back into the bedroom, pondering what she wanted to say. It didn't matter that her sister would not hear her; the words were important to her, since she felt as though she were saying goodbye for her brothers as well. While Aslan said they would see her again, there was no telling how long would pass for Susan before they did. She had to say goodbye to the sister she knew, because there was no telling how much she would change.

"I feel a little silly, I suppose, talking to you when I know you can't hear me." She took a seat on the bed next to Caspian's shoulder, leaning slightly so that she could see both of their faces. "I _will_ miss you, Susan, we all will. I'm sorry you weren't happy in England, and I suppose I'm a little envious that you get to live here. I mean, it's Narnia. You're sure to live a more exciting life than any of us.

"I'm glad you have Caspian to help you here. I still don't really understand the way you feel about him, but I suppose I'll understand when I'm older." She paused, then giggled. "Well, maybe. I used to be older, and I don't remember understanding then, either.

"Caspian, I want you to take care of my sister, please. She's always taken care of all of us, and it's time someone did that for her. Aslan says I'll be back, and so will Edmund, so don't think we won't find out if you hurt her."

The young king shifted in his sleep, pulling Susan even closer to his body, and she burrowed her head between his side and his arm, as though she wanted to become part of him. Lucy sighed, smiled, and stood. "Peter is going to be ever so angry you didn't tell him first."

With that, she slipped back out the door, into the hallway where Aslan waited for her.

"Are you ready, Lucy?"

"Yes, Aslan." She hugged him tightly. "I'm not going to dream about you any more, am I?"

"Not for a while, dear one, but you will still have your dreams of Narnia."

"Are they just dreams?" Her tone was wistful and sad. She saw her old friends in those dreams, friends she'd never had the chance to say goodbye to, friends she still missed with every breath she took.

The response she got was an enigmatic smile, and a soft voice that floated towards her as the walls of the castle faded into darkness. "In Narnia, dreams are never just dreams."

A/N: Ok, in case you missed it (buried in my really long author's note), if I write the morning after scene it will likely be a SEPERATE STORY. I don't believe in putting sequels under the same story heading, it's just a personal preference thing. So yeah. Keep a lookout for it, because I already sort of know where it will go. Who knows? Maybe I'll have enough free time this summer to write the entire life of Susan and Caspian from this point on. Oh, lord, then I have to try for the _Voyage of the Dawn Treader_. Yikes.


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